The Lost Words The Unheard Confessions The Returned Letters
by digthewriter
Summary: Arthur is so deep in the closet that he might lose his one and only chance of keeping Gwaine in his life.


**The Lost Words. The Unheard Confessions. The Returned Letters.**

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Gwaine/Arthur Pendragon + Mithian/Arthur Pendragon + Merlin/Mordred

 **Disclaimer** : Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Pendragons are real men. Manly men. They excel in academics _and_ sports. They do not have emotions that make them weak. If you're weak, you lose. If you care, you lose. _You play, you fuck, you go home._

There is no other choice.

Arthur _was not_ gay. He fucked men, but he wasn't gay. He fucked women too. He dated them, loved them, and fucked them. In the changing rooms, however, was a different story. The women weren't allowed there and if he had a willing participant, who was he to say no? He surely didn't love these men, so he wasn't gay. Right?

He liked cock. He liked sucking it, too. You had to. Wasn't that the universal rule? You have to take just as much you can give. If he wanted to stick his cock in Jones's arse, he had to be willing to suck Jones's cock. It was the same rule for women. He had to go down on women in order to be able to fuck them.

Arthur was very fair. That's why Arthur Pendragon was a real man.

Everything changed when Gwaine came to live with him.

Arthur and Gwaine had been mates since they were ten years old. They grew up playing the same sports, and their competitive streak only heightened as they aged. Then Gwaine moved away for a few years and they had lost touch. Arthur didn't reach out much because he became too busy with University and focused on his rugby career. He knew he only had a few good years in him before he'd have to resort to either coaching or something different. He didn't want to spend it longing over a friend. Emotions weren't part of the deal. Arthur's father had made sure he drilled that in Arthur's head enough for him to remember it for several lifetimes.

Besides, it wasn't like Gwaine tried to reach him either. Gwaine and his family moved and there was no word for him, ever. No letters; they played a bit of phone tag and that was about it. Arthur had all but forgotten about Gwaine when he received a random email in the middle of the night.

Gwaine had taken up the position of Assistant Coach at a women's RFC and needed a place to stay in Camelot. Arthur offered his place right away. He had a spare bedroom and Gwaine had needed only to stay for a few months and would look for his own flat once he was settled at his job.

Arthur didn't know if it was just the fact that Gwaine had grown into a handsome man, or the fact that it was after Gwaine's departure had Arthur realised his desire to shag men, or simply that he'd missed his friend that his stomach turned into knots at broad shoulders, muscles bulging out of the tight t-shirt, and jeans that hugged his arse just so perfectly. Gwaine was _fit_. Of course he was a former rugby player, and now coaching an RFC, but _blimey_ , did Arthur want to rip that shirt off Gwaine!

"It's not much," Arthur said, leading Gwaine to the guest bedroom, carrying one of his bags as Gwaine insisted on carrying most of his own luggage.

Gwaine seemed satisfied at the size of the room and the bed, and immediately pulled Arthur into a hug once he'd dropped his bags. "I missed you, you fool," Gwaine said, and Arthur hugged him back tightly. He'd missed Arthur, then why hadn't he ever written to him?

Shaking the idea out of his head, Arthur invited Gwaine out to a friend's birthday party. Gwaine agreed but insisted on taking a shower before heading out. Arthur nodded and left the room figuring that he needed to change clothes too. As he turned to close the door behind him, Arthur saw that Gwaine had taken off his shirt and thrown it on the bed. Arthur almost cursed himself for having wished for that, now he just wanted to go into his bedroom and wank. The visual of Gwaine carrying all his luggage, his arms squeezing Arthur so securely, and now him without a shirt was almost too much to bear.

No, Arthur was not going to give into that. He was a man, and he was going to find a bird to shag at the party and that's how he was going to let his frustration out. He was not going to wank thinking about a bloke. He didn't do that. He _never_ did that. Arthur fucked men for pleasure, and he wanked to straight porn. He did _not_ think about a bloke and wank in the dark with his eyes closed. Even though, he tended to glance over to the man in those videos than the women, but it wasn't the same thing. He was _still_ straight. A real man.

* * *

The second Arthur and Gwaine arrived at Leon's party, Arthur cornered Mithian and began kissing her profusely. She was his on-again off-again girlfriend, someone his father approved of immensely, but they never seemed to make it work for more than a few weeks at a time.

"Arthur not now," she whispered in his ear as he had her practically pinned under him against the back wall, and his knee riding up in-between her legs.

"Come on, Mithian, I need you," he said in return, and her look turned from scowling to that of understanding. It had been a while since the two of them had been together, and she'd always come to him when she _needed_ him too. They had an understanding.

She nodded and pulled on his hand, guiding him up the stairs to Leon's guestroom. It was their usual snogging spot, and if they claimed it earlier in the night, then they would be undisturbed for a while. As they entered the room, Arthur immediately locked the door and Mithian had begun working on his trousers. Her hands were cold but he didn't mind, he enjoyed them; it was a reminder that she was a woman, and he was a man.

"Who is that hot bloke you brought with you?" she asked, dimming down the lights of the bedroom.

"Gwaine," Arthur answered and his head rested against the wall. "He's not that hot," he added, closing his eyes and then bit his lower lip. According to Mithian that was his tell when he was lying, but Arthur didn't care. He needed to hear the words coming out of his mouth. He needed to believe them.

She half snorted and lowered down to her knees, pulling Arthur's jeans down with her. The thing about Mithian that Arthur had never told anyone—the reason he always went to her for his _needs_ more than anyone else—was that she sucked cock like a bloke. Unafraid, eager, passionate. Most women squirm at the thought of a blow job, but not Mithian. She was always ready for a challenge. And Arthur knew he gave her that challenge. She also liked it more when she was on all fours or when they were both blind-folded. She really was, the best fuck buddy a man could ask for. Especially a man who liked to fuck other men.

She made him _feel_ like a real man.

Mithian thought Gwaine was hot. Arthur couldn't shake the words out of his head. He ran his fingers through her flowing hair and was reminded of Gwaine's long hair. What would it be like holding onto those locks tightly? Arthur closed his eyes and slammed his head against the wall. He couldn't believe it, less than two hours with Gwaine in his house, and Arthur wanted Gwaine to suck him. He grabbed the hair, imagining Gwaine's hair, with both hands and set a rhythm as if Gwaine was sucking him. His mouth wrapping on and off Arthur's hard prick; _his_ tongue swirling around Arthur's cock, sucking in the pre-come.

"Fuck," Arthur groaned as he pulled in and out of _Gwaine_ 's mouth, faster, harsher, with more need than he'd cared to admit. He thrust again, and then slowed himself trying to gather some control. The mouth opened wide, and Arthur pushed in deeper. " _Fuck_ ," he uttered again. This was going to be his undoing. His cock slid on the tongue three more times before spilling itself. "Yes. Yes. Yes," Arthur was whispering while his mind was screaming: _Gwaine. Gwaine. Gwaine_.

He pulled out of Mithian's mouth a moment later, unsure of what she'd want in return. She helped him pull up his jeans and button them. He gave her a confused look; didn't she want him to return the favour? She shook her head, as if reading Arthur's mind.

"I actually brought a date, you know," she said, smiling. "You've obviously got a lot on your mind. I'll just go ride him. Make up for the fact that I sort of ditched him for about twenty minutes." She adjusted her dress, turned on her heels, and walked away. Leaving Arthur alone in the room, spent, satisfied, and absolutely baffled.

When he returned downstairs to the party, Arthur spotted Gwaine speaking with Lance and Leon in the kitchen. He smiled and joined his friends, filling his glass with Leon's mysterious punch.

"What was that?" Gwaine said, gesturing towards the stairs.

"Oh you know, old friends," Arthur answered, nonchalantly. He took a sip of his drink and glanced around the room, nodding at a few friends here and there.

"You treat all your old friends like that?" Arthur turned to look at Gwaine who had an eyebrow raised in intrigue.

Arthur chuckled. "No, some I let stay with me for free." He winked at Gwaine and patted his shoulder before walking away to talk to someone else. He needed to get away from Gwaine as fast as possible before there was going to be any flirting involved. He walked past a couple of blokes snogging on the sofa under the staircase and realised it was his teammate Mordred and his boyfriend Merlin.

"Seriously, why do the two of you even leave your house?" Arthur said, mockingly as he approached them and sat at the armrest of the sofa.

"Jealous, are we, Arthur?" Merlin teased and unwrapped his arm from around Mordred's waist. Arthur was slightly jealous of Merlin. Mordred, even though openly gay, was also utterly loyal to Merlin. He'd never fooled around with Arthur in the changing rooms, even when Arthur had suggested a threesome once or twice. Mordred had said that he didn't share and apparently neither did Merlin.

Merlin's gaze went past Arthur and widened slightly. Arthur turned to look and saw Gwaine standing a few feet away. Arthur gestured for them to join him and introduced Gwaine to Merlin and Mordred. Merlin groaned at the fact that he was always only meeting people who were nothing but sports-enthusiasts. He claimed to be the only one who did something actual worthwhile.

"Not everyone can be a Pharmacist, Merlin," Mordred said, and pulled Merlin in to kiss his cheek. "Think about it, if players didn't get injured as much, you'd be out of a job!"

Gwaine laughed looking as though he was instantly comfortable around them and settled himself on the sofa across. "How long have the two of you been together?" he asked, interestedly and when they answered, "three years, but living together for about six months," Gwaine only continued to ask more questions like: "Where did the two of you meet," and "Who confessed their feelings first?"

Arthur groaned in frustration and stood up. "Ugh, I don't want to hear their sappy love story again," he said. "I'm going to get myself a drink."

"Bring us a few beers back," Merlin demanded, and Arthur sneered at him. He didn't want to come back; he didn't want to be around Merlin and Mordred who always just seemed to at ease with their sexuality, and relationship, and _love_. It made him uneasy, and he couldn't figure out how to not be so on edge about it.

He simply nodded and walked away, hoping that he'd find someone else to distract him, and eventually forget about bringing drinks back to his friends. As luck would have it, Arthur ran into Gwen and her brother Elyan and they started doing shots. Before he knew it, half the night had passed, and he was _pissed_. He didn't mean to get so pissed. Gwen always teased him that his gay-side, which he absolutely did not have, came out when he was so pissed. But there he was, pissed, snogging a girl named Freya, and thinking about Gwaine again.

"Hey, Arthur."

Arthur looked up from the face that had him occupied, and saw Gwaine, holding his coat. He slid out his hands from under Freya's shirt and nearly well threw her aside. "Yeah?" he said, snapping into attention, worried that Gwaine was going to leave without him. Why did he care so much? They weren't that far off from his flat.

"I've got that meeting with the coach in the morning, so I was just going to head..." Gwaine hesitated from a moment, "...home."

 _Home_. What a weird sound coming out from someone else's mouth about Arthur's flat. Arthur shared his home with Gwaine. The reality of it was sort of sinking in. Arthur, who supposedly only fucked men for physical needs, was sharing his home with a bloke he found maddeningly attractive. They were going to live together for several months. What was Arthur going to do? Fuck a girl every time a thought about Gwaine made him hard?

"Right. I'll come with you," Arthur found himself saying. He smiled at Gwaine who looked equally pleased and headed to the closet where his coat was hung.

Freya cleared her throat. "Arthur I thought we were—"

"Maybe next time." Arthur cut her off with a snap and walked away hoping that Gwaine was following him. When he opened the door to leave, he turned to look and bumped into Gwaine, chest to chest. "Oh, sorry. I didn't realise..." Gwaine reminded him that he hadn't said goodbye to any of his friends to which Arthur shrugged. "Eh, I'll see them eventually." He smiled and put his coat on and left the house. Gwaine kept up with him along the way, which impressed Arthur, but he was afraid to gaze over towards Gwaine. He feared that one look into his eyes and Arthur's resolve would melt, and his desire to hold Gwaine's hand would become rather evident. No, walking side by side, at a speedy pace was the best idea possible. They were home in six minutes. A record time for Arthur given how drunk he really was.

"Are you always so determined?" Gwaine asked, removing his coat and taking Arthur's to hang in the hallway closet. Arthur gave him a questioning look. "You always look like you're on a mission. When you started snogging that girl at the beginning of the night, then walking away from Merlin and Mordred, and then this walk home—" He laughed. "When do you let loose?"

Arthur laughed, choosing not to answer Gwaine's question. He _casually_ walked towards the bar set up in the corner of the sitting room, and poured scotch in two glasses over cubes of ice. He didn't know what to say to Gwaine, usually, he was more relaxed. Or so he'd thought. No one else had really pointed out that about him before. Maybe they were just so used to it, and Gwaine was new and hadn't been around Arthur for a while.

"Reminds me of your father," Gwaine said, interrupting Arthur's thoughts. "He's always such a determined man, isn't he?"

There was something in the way Gwaine talked about Arthur that intrigued him. There was a look, and then Gwaine had immediately dismissed it. Was Arthur becoming like his father? He shuddered at the thought. He handed Gwaine one glass and sat on the sofa, staring into his drink.

"You're not anything like him. If that's what you're wondering," Gwaine said, and Arthur immediately looked up from his drink. "From what I remember, that is." Arthur smiled again, and took a big gulp of his drink. It was a bad idea, because he coughed immediately and his chest burned. "Easy there, Tiger," Gwaine said, taking the drink from Arthur's hand and started to rub his back.

God, that felt good.

Arthur realised what he was doing; he was almost leaning into Gwaine's touch and instantly stiffened up. "I think I'm going to take a shower—" He stood up a moment later and placed his glass on the coffee table. "Have a good night, Gwaine. And good luck tomorrow."

"Do you want some company?"

Arthur's eyes widened at the question. He wasn't sure if he'd actually heard it or his imagination was playing tricks on him.

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"Gwaine—" Arthur gulped and his hands were shaking. He almost wished he had the drink in his hand still so he could take a sip, stall the moment, his answer. "That was a long time ago."

"And from what Mordred tells me that you're not always alone in the showers in the changing rooms."

"He _what_?" Arthur snapped. Mordred had _promised_ to keep his secret. He couldn't believe that he'd been betrayed.

"Don't worry. He didn't say it in front of anyone. Not even Merlin. He told me in secret, only after I asked him things about you."

"Yeah right, like Merlin would ever leave his side."

"He did when you didn't return with drinks," Gwaine said. "He was getting agitated and left for a few minutes and I finally had a chance to ask more about your _personal_ life."

"What did he say?"

"Exactly what I expected to hear."

Arthur didn't question what Gwaine expected to hear. He didn't want to know what Gwaine thought of him. What he'd been thinking of him. It had happened a week before Gwaine and his family was due to move. Arthur _was_ a bit distraught over his best friend leaving and one night, they'd stolen Arthur's father's whiskey and gotten drunk in Arthur's room. That was the first night Arthur had kissed Gwaine. Rather, Gwaine had kissed Arthur, and then pushed him back on the bed and undid his trousers. They'd wanked each other off than night, and then the next day again in the shower.

They never talked about it. According to Gwaine, it was normal. According to Morgana, who was a few years older than Arthur, it's what teenage boys did and then found themselves a nice girl to settle down with. So Arthur never thought about; never talked about it with anyone else, and almost forgot about it. Except for every time he was not alone in the shower, and remembered how he'd learn to do the things he knew to other boys.

"It was just a phase," Arthur said.

"So, that's a no on the shower?" Gwaine removed his shirt and threw it on the sofa. He looked back at Arthur, one eyebrow raised.

Arthur didn't know how to respond. What to say. He took off his shirt, and threw it on the sofa on top of Gwaine's. Then he turned to his left and started to walk towards the bathroom. His heart was pounding, ready to jump out of his chest, and his hands shook a bit as he grabbed the knob to open the door. He was going to fuck Gwaine in the shower. What were they going to do? Was he going to suck Arthur off or was he going to fuck Gwaine against the wall?

He should have been thinking about how wrong this was. How _gay_ this was going to make him. He shouldn't feel around with his flatmate. His _mate_. What if Gwaine went and told others? At least with Jones, Arthur was sure his secret was safe, but with _Gwaine_? Was he out? Would he tell Mordred and Merlin?

By the time Arthur's mind wrapped around the right kind of questions to ponder over, he was pushed against the bathroom door with Gwaine's hand travelling into his jeans. Gwaine didn't hesitate to kiss Arthur. The other blokes in the past always seemed a bit scared and Arthur was always the one who made the rules of what they could or couldn't do. Gwaine, didn't seem to care about Arthur's rule or wanting to know them.

Arthur gasped at the feel of Gwaine's hands, they were cold, but rough and his strokes were hard. Arthur was not being touched by a girl, he was being pleasure by a man. His friend. As Arthur's lips parted, Gwaine pushed his tongue in without giving Arthur any chance to react or resist. His body was pinned under Gwaine and Gwaine's beard was definitely going to leave bruises all over his face.

How was he going to explain a beard burn?

Gwaine yanked Arthur out of his thoughts again as he pushed his trousers down and brushed their erections together. Gwaine's cock was exactly how Arthur had remembered it. It curved slightly to the right and was a few shades darker than his. He loved watching it pull out of and disappear from his hand as Gwaine stroked him.

"Let me," Gwaine whispered into Arthur's ear, and pushed his hand away. He grabbed both of their pricks in his hand and started to stroke them together. Arthur took the opportunity to grab Gwaine's arse, which he had wanted to do since Gwaine walked into his life, and then his hands travelled up to his hair—pulling on the locks and pressing his lips against Gwaine's.

Gwaine moaned into Arthur's mouth and his hand movements sped up just a bit. His other hand started to linger behind Arthur and at first rested on Arthur's arse, then moved down as if searching for his entrance. It was a move Arthur was all too familiar with.

"No," Arthur said, pushing Gwaine back and then pulling him into the shower. He started the water which quickly turned hot and yanked Gwaine towards himself into a kiss again. When the steam had built up in the tiny shower, Arthur dropped to his knees and took Gwaine's cock into his mouth. _He_ was going to control this, and _he_ was going to fuck Gwaine the way _he_ wanted.

Three days before, Gwaine had emailed him about a place to stay. Earlier _that_ day, he'd walked back into Arthur's life, and now, Arthur was on his knees, his hands planted firmly on Gwaine's hips and he was _sucking_ Gwaine's cock. It was as if everything in his life had added up to this moment. All the practice, all the shagging, was in preparation for this. At first it felt as though it was to make up for something that was missing— _someone_ that was missing, and now it felt almost right.

But why?

Gwaine's hand grabbed Arthur's wet hair tightly, almost in a punishing way like he was demanding to set the rhythm. Arthur allowed it. He allowed being led, as long as it was his tongue that was doing what it did best. Gwaine thrust in and out of Arthur's mouth and Arthur sucked in, deeply, patiently, hungrily.

Right before he came, Gwaine pulled out of Arthur's mouth and spilled all over his chest. He was panting, gasping for breath, and his wet hair covered his eyes. Gwaine ran his hand through his hair and then helped Arthur up. They kissed again, this time, Gwaine took his time, and wasn't as needy as before. His tongue licked and teased Arthur's lower lip and Arthur almost bit it, jokingly.

What was happening?

Arthur never did _this_ before. He never teased, or played with his partners before; men or women.

Gwaine grabbed the soap and started to lather Arthur, starting from his shoulders, down his chest, then his cock. He pulled on it slowly again until they locked eyes and Gwaine nodded. He turned around and leaned on the tiled wall. Arthur looked for his bottle of condition, in lieu for lube, and started to get Gwaine ready.

Gwaine's legs parted almost instinctively at Arthur's touch and Arthur pushed a finger in. Gwaine pushed back, wanting it more than Arthur himself craved for it. It wasn't long until Arthur had three fingers inside Gwaine, pushing and pulling out with Gwaine writhing underneath him.

Arthur wanted this _so_ much. He would be lying if he said he didn't. It was the most he'd ever wanted anybody. He'd fucked men before, nameless, faceless blokes in the back alley of a club, or Jones on the team once in a while, but _this_ , this was true desire, he thought. This wasn't just to get himself off, but, he cared about Gwaine's pleasure. Gwaine pushing back as Arthur pushed in.

Suddenly, what Merlin and Mordred had sort of made sense. If being with someone could be this good, and he was still in the middle of shagging it, then Arthur could see why Merlin and Mordred were always all over each other. He hated it because he didn't understand it, because he felt he could never have it. But with Gwaine, why did it feel like he could?

"Arthur, please..." Gwaine begged and Arthur immediately pulled out his fingers and lined his cock along with Gwaine's hole. As he pushed in, he moaned. Gwaine was still tight and it felt incredible. He watched his cock pushing in and pulling out of Gwaine with just as much interest as when he was watching himself stroke Gwaine's cock.

"Need you," Gwaine whispered and gasped as Arthur pulled out and pushed in hard. "Faster," he said and Arthur picked up the pace. He needed, wanted to take his time with Gwaine, but as he felt himself sober up, he moved only faster and faster. A few more thrusts and then he was coming.

"Fuck," Arthur said, regretfully, pulling out of Gwaine. How could he have been so stupid?

"What?" Gwaine asked, turning around. He'd grabbed the soap again and started to lather himself up and then handed it to Arthur.

"I didn't even think about it— I was so drunk. We should have used a condom," Arthur said, washing himself off under the hot water. "I'm sorry."

Gwaine came behind him and wrapped his arms around Arthur's waist. He held him there for a while as the water poured on them. He hummed thoughtfully. "When was the last time you were tested?"

"About two months ago," Arthur answered; it was amazing how everything went from being so hot to being so painstakingly awkward.

"Me too," Gwaine answered. "It'll be fine. We should be more careful next time."

"Next time?" Arthur asked, shutting the shower off. There was going to be more of this? Should he be worried or happy? Now that he was sobering up, the idea of sex with a flatmate, sex with a bloke, sex with _Gwaine_ , was maybe becoming all a bit too much.

"Of course there's going to be a next time," Gwaine said, with the very _flirting_ tone Arthur remembered only belonged to Gwaine. He grabbed two towels and handed one to Arthur and started to dry himself off.

Suddenly the silence between them was daunting and when it was time to leave the bathroom, Arthur didn't know what to do.

Gwaine took the lead and left first and Arthur followed him. Right outside the door to his room he turned to look at Arthur. "I have to get up early so I better get settled in," he said.

"Right." Arthur nodded, almost sighing with relief.

Gwaine leaned into him one more time and pressed his lips against Arthur's. They stood in the hallway for a good two minutes or so, snogging, Arthur's tongue in Gwaine's mouth, as they still dripped over the floor, in their towels. "Thanks for a brilliant shag," Gwaine whispered into Arthur's ear, stroking Arthur's side. "It was even better than I'd imagined it to be. Should I buy some condoms on my way back tomorrow or do you have—"

"I have some."

"Great." Gwaine gave Arthur's lips one quick kiss and went into the guest room.

His room.

Gwaine imagined sex with Arthur. Is that why he wanted to stay with him?

Realising that he wasn't going to get any answers that night, Arthur returned to the bathroom to gather all the clothes off the floor, his and Gwaine's, and the shirts off the sofa and threw them in the hamper for laundry. Just because he'd had one of the best shags ever didn't mean that he was going to become uncivilised.

* * *

By the time Arthur woke up the next day, Gwaine was gone. He had however, made coffee, and left some breakfast for Arthur. Arthur was thankful given his hangover and was sure that his day would be spent sulking over it. And the events of the night before.

He didn't hear from Gwaine all day and ordered takeaway. Gwaine was supposed to meet with the Head Coach of the women's RFC team, and Arthur didn't know what that would entail. It could be a quick informal meeting, or it could have been a proper orientation. Signing all the papers, and getting a tour of the facility and everything. Given how Gwaine had been out all day, Arthur reckoned it was the latter.

Gwaine didn't return until dinner time. Arthur was sprawled on the sofa watching telly by the time he'd arrived. He looked exhausted. Arthur was mildly relieved by that. Maybe if Gwaine was too tired, he wouldn't want to shag, and Arthur wouldn't have to make any excuses.

"Long day?" Arthur asked, sitting up on the sofa so Gwaine could sit next to him. He turned the telly off and wondered if he should turn to listen to Gwaine or heat up the takeaway.

"Incredibly," Gwaine answered. I didn't realise I was going to go through the whole song and dance in one day. "If I did, I would have slept better." He looked at Arthur and gave a flirty smirk that only reminded Arthur of the shag from the night before. Arthur almost cursed himself for his cock twitching at the memory of it. "But it was worth it, though," Gwaine added.  
"There's some Chinese takeaway if you're hungry," Arthur said, attempting to steer the conversation away. It seemed to work.

"Great. I'm famished!" Gwaine hopped off the sofa and went into his room. "I'll just change real quick."

Arthur headed to the kitchen to heat up the food. He wasn't waiting for Gwaine to come home first so they could eat. Not really. He just thought that's what good flatmates did. He was putting the noodles and the chicken broccoli onto two plates when he felt Gwaine's hands around his waist. He was _hard_ and was pushing into Arthur's arse.

Gwaine also moaned right into Arthur's ear as his hand travelled inside Arthur's drawstring pyjamas. "I've missed this all day," he whispered and thrust into Arthur's arse.

Arthur didn't do that. No one had ever done that to him. He didn't bottom. Then why was he pushing back into Gwaine. He shook his head just to break his concentration. "Is this going to happen all the time now?" he asked, sounding annoyed.

"Why? You don't—"

"I can't just continue fucking— I'm not a relationship bloke."

"That's okay."

"I don't want to make this into a habit."

"Okay." Gwaine released his grasp from around Arthur and stepped back.

"And, I'm not gay."

Gwaine looked at Arthur like he had two heads. "Right," he said, sneeringly. "Because sucking my cock, and then fucking me into the oblivion doesn't make you gay?"

"I fuck women like that too. I go down on—"

"So you're not straight. You're bisexual."

" _No_ ," Arthur snapped. "Just because I've fucked a bloke or two does not make me anything but straight. I'm straight. I told you—just a phase."

Gwaine shook his head in disbelief and raised his hands in surrender. "Fine. You don't want me to fuck you. Okay. Suddenly, I'm not so hungry anymore." He turned to walk away and walked out of the kitchen.

"Gwaine—" Arthur rushed after him, pulling on his arm. "Don't be—"

Gwaine turned at glared at Arthur for a moment before making his next move. Arthur thought he was going to punch him, but instead Gwaine leaned in and kissed Arthur. Arthur grabbed Gwaine by the back of his neck and deepened the kiss. Gwaine was sucking on Arthur's tongue as he thrust into him, his erection gliding over Arthur's.

He pushed Arthur back and they both landed on the sofa, their hands in each other's pants. Gwaine was fucking Arthur's hand without any reservation. Each thrust was harsher, and more intense than the one before. It wasn't long until he was coming in Arthur's hand, spilling all over Arthur's thigh. As he finished, Gwaine grabbed the box of paper tissues and cleaned Arthur's thigh before lowering himself and taking Arthur's prick in his mouth.

Arthur leaned back into the sofa as Gwaine climbed on top of him, positioning himself more properly. For a while, Arthur only saw Gwaine's head bop up and down on his cock and every time Arthur reached down to place his hand on Gwaine, Gwaine slapped his hand away. Eventually, Arthur grabbed a sofa cushion and hugged it instead.

As Arthur came into Gwaine's mouth, he licked and sucked every part of him. When he was done, Gwaine looked up into Arthur's eyes, a hint of regret mixed in with lust was evident.

"Now, I've paid the favour back," Gwaine said, and stood up pulling up his trousers and adjusting his t-shirt. "You can go back to your straight life now." He turned and all but ran back to his room and slammed the door.

Arthur wasn't sure if he should have gone after him or not. Deciding against it, he headed to the kitchen instead. He finished setting up the plate of food for Gwaine and covered it with foil. He took his own plate and went to his bedroom. If Gwaine decided to come out venturing for food, he didn't want to be in the way.

An hour later, when Arthur returned to the kitchen, he saw that Gwaine had eaten the dinner and washed the dish. Feeling disheartened by his actions and the inability to explain them to himself or Gwaine, Arthur returned to his room and went to bed. He had a long day of practice the next day, and he hoped that whatever this was, would be pushed back into his mind. At least for a day, anyway.

* * *

The next night when Arthur came home, he heard Gwaine in his room. He thought about knocking, but refrained. He wondered if Gwaine had dinner; Arthur had grabbed a quick bite at Curry House. Unable to give his sentiments words still, Arthur went to bed early again. Right before he dozed off, he saw Merlin calling him, but he ignored it.

The awkward silences around each other, and complete avoidance of any to all conversation continued for several days. It wasn't until one day after practice when Jones wanted to fool around with Arthur and Arthur turning him down without a reason was when he decided that it was high time he spoke to Gwaine.

Gwaine was in the sitting room watching telly when Arthur came home. He was early, and on purpose for it. He wanted to catch Gwaine off guard so he'd be able to talk to him. Gwaine immediately turned the telly off and stood up to leave the room.

"Wait," Arthur said, almost begging. "Can we please, just talk?"

Gwaine nodded and his hair fell across his face before he managed to tuck it behind his ear.

"Listen, Gwaine. The first night, I was really drunk and— the next night I said some things—" He sighed and took off his coat and hung it in the closet. He walked up and took a seat next to Gwaine. "Can we just be mates? I don't want this _awkwardness_ between us. I don't— I mean you're back in my life and I'm just— I don't want to lose my friend."

Gwaine's stern expression changed into something softer. He smiled and ran his hand through Arthur's hair. "You're right. And, I'm sorry. Something came over me too and it all just escalated so fast."

"I know. We were both always just so hot headed." Arthur laughed. "Remember when my father forbade us to spend more than three days a row with each other—"

"Your father—" Gwaine chuckled.

"What?" Arthur asked, curious. This was the second time Gwaine had said something about Arthur's father then dismissed it.

"Nothing. I don't want to talk about him right now." He smiled and tapped Arthur on the shoulder. "So let's just be friends and see how we do in that department?"

Arthur nodded and pulled Gwaine into a hug. They held each other for a few long moments before Arthur let go. He was glad that they had smoothed things over, for the time being anyway. He just had to make sure that he didn't get pissed drunk around Gwaine again. And figure out why he was turning shags down.

"Oh, I was going to ask you," Gwaine said, almost excitedly, standing up to go to the bar area in the corner of the room. "You want a drink?"

"Sure," Arthur said, "is that your question?"

Gwaine laughed and shook his head. Arthur kind of adored the way Gwaine's hair flew around when he was happy. He'd forgotten that. Gwaine always had long hair and that used to be his favourite thing about him.

"You know that bloke Percy?"

Arthur chuckled. Everyone knew Percy, he was sort of hard to miss. He nodded and took the drink from Gwaine's hand. After taking a sip, he realised how strong it was, and put it down on the table.

"He sort of asked me to dinner." Gwaine took his drink and looked at Arthur as though he was waiting for his approval. "Like a date."

"Oh." _Oh_. Was Gwaine asking for Arthur's consent? "And you want to—?" A bit of jealousy roared up in Arthur's stomach and he struggled to simmer it down. Why was he getting jealous? Gwaine was his flatmate, his friend, and that was final. He should've been free to date whoever he wanted. Even if it was Percy, the tall, muscular, gorgeous giant that everyone swooned over.

"I don't know," Gwaine said, shrugging. "I barely know him. But I figured why not, you know. It's just dinner and I know that he's your friend and I didn't want to step on any toes—"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know." Gwaine shrugged again. Arthur remembered this. Gwaine shrugged a lot when he was nervous. "I don't have any friends here and I didn't want to look like I was _stealing_ your friends."

"Don't be daft, Gwaine," Arthur said, and picked up his drink again. "You and I are friends and they are my friends and will soon will be yours too. If you think it'll work out with Percy then go for it, I suppose. Who am I to stop you."

"Great."

"Great." Arthur took a giant gulp of his drink. "Oh, and..." he hesitated.

"Don't worry," Gwaine said, before Arthur could say anything else. "I won't tell anyone about—about my first night here— A fresh start and all that, right?"

"Right."

Arthur clanked his glass with Gwaine's and they took another sip in silence. A few minutes later, feigning exhaustion, Arthur headed to his room. He really didn't know what else he was supposed to do. All this was over the fact that he wouldn't let Gwaine fuck him? He wouldn't let anyone fuck him. It was just a phase and Arthur always clicked with Mithian so well, so he was just going to call her anyway. Maybe she'd come over and help him get over whatever it was that bothering him so much.

Things were supposed to be easy now. The wall between him and Gwaine had been broken and they were back to being friends. It was great. Gwaine was going to go out and fuck other blokes and Arthur was going to be back to his normal routine.

It was all supposed to be easy. _You play, you fuck, you go home._ That was the mantra.

Except the one that he played and fucked with now lived in his home. Arthur was going to put it all behind him, because Arthur was a real man. And that's what real men did. They concentrated on the task at hand and moved on. That's what Pendragon men did.

What was it about Gwaine and his father that Arthur didn't know?

* * *

Things quickly had become routine. Gwaine was getting busy with work, and Arthur with his rugby practices. The championship game was just around the corner and Arthur was sure that his union was going the win for the fifth year in a row, and for that, they needed to give it their all.

Gwaine often came home late, and Arthur knew with the way he was working, Gwaine had no time to look for a flat. He didn't mind that so much anyway. They shared a few meals here and there, but otherwise were just occupied otherwise.

Over the weekends, Arthur made it a habit to hang out with his teammates rather than his other friends, especially since Gwaine and Percy were said to have become rather chummy. He didn't even answer Mithian's call so much anymore, either, feeling as though he needed a break from it all. The only person he did see consistently was Mordred, and every time Mordred invited him out, Arthur made one excuse or the other.

It worked wonders, until it was time for Merlin's birthday party. Arthur knew that if he needed to keep a healthy professional relationship with Mordred, he needed to attend Merlin's birthday party. Aside from the fact that Leon and Lance had been harassing him with text messages on a daily basis about getting together. It was time to kill several birds with one stone. He would attend Merlin's birthday party, have Merlin give him a hard time about whatever liked to give him a hard time about, get Leon and Lance to back off, and perhaps even see Mithian. If it worked well, he could easily ignore Percy and Gwaine; at least Gwaine didn't bring him home. Arthur was extremely happy about _that_.

"Ready to go?" Gwaine had knocked on Arthur's door after he'd taken a shower. Water dripping from his chest down his navel, Gwaine, still only dressed in a towel, had the audacity to ask Arthur if he was ready to go to the party.

"Er...just about," Arthur said, tearing his gaze away from Gwaine's perfectly cut body. He was surrounded by fit men all day, what was so special about Gwaine that Arthur was having such a difficult time with?

"Great, I just wanted to ask you to not leave without me," Gwaine said, grinning. "I want to catch up on our way there! I've got loads to tell you."

"About Percy?"

"Wha— No, I think I found a flat. Oh, and Percy helped." Gwaine shrugged and walked away and Arthur watched him, because what was the point of living with a hot RFC coach if you couldn't stare at his arse in a tightly wrapped towel?

Fifteen minutes later, they were on their way to the pub for Merlin's birthday festivities.

"So are you going to live with Percy?" Arthur asked, unable to stop himself. It wasn't his business who Gwaine shagged and who he wanted to play house with. But, Gwaine had said that Percy helped him find the flat, so he couldn't help but wonder just how far their 'relationship' had got.

Gwaine snorted as if Arthur had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world? "No. Not that he didn't offer," he said. He wrapped his arm around Arthur and pulled him in a tight hug, making the tight space in the back of the taxi even smaller.

"So you two are—"

"We've..." Gwaine paused for a brief second. "We've become good friends, that's all."

"And this flat?"

"Oh, yeah. The head coach is actually having a baby— I mean his wife's having a baby so they're going to buy a house and Percy suggested that I should ask him to see the place and maybe I could be able to snag it. It's a good price."

"That is a good idea," Arthur acknowledged.

The taxi pulled up in front of the pub and the conversation came to a stop as Arthur paid the driver. As they entered the pub, Arthur realised that it was more a club than an actual "chill place" Merlin had advertised it to be. At least it wasn't a gay club, because Arthur wouldn't have stayed for more than ten minutes. With his notoriety, he couldn't be caught dead at a gay club. Beside everything else, he was sure he'd get a few angry phone calls from his father.

Merlin was the first one to rush to them and pull them in a big hug. Arthur reckoned he was already too drunk to remember the rest of the night. That was good, Arthur thought to himself, that way at least he could duck out early and wouldn't actually see Merlin and Mordred in action, or Gwaine and Percy for that matter.

Mordred bought Arthur his first drink. He probably should have just stopped there. Then, he saw Percy put an arm around Gwaine. As he turned to avoid having a reaction to the fact, Mithian caught his eye. She smiled at him and gestured toward the bar. They did three shots each of Añejo and then she pulled him to the dance floor.

Merlin was in the middle of the dance floor and was encouraging all of his friends to join in. Mordred sat at the edge of the reserved table and just watched. Arthur saw the same look in Mordred's eyes that he'd seen the first time Mordred had introduced Merlin to Arthur as his boyfriend. He was just as in love with him and that made Arthur jealous. Not because he wanted Mordred or Merlin for that matter, but because he wanted _that_. He wanted someone to look at him in such a way, or for _him_ to feel that need.

He glanced over at Gwaine who was chatting with Percy. Gwaine looked at him and smiled; he'd immediately stopped saying whatever he was saying to Percy and concentrated on Arthur. He gave Arthur a questioning look, as if he wanted to make sure everything was okay. Arthur smiled and shook his head. Then he turned his attention towards Mithian and started to dance with her.

Unsure if it was the alcohol or just his desire acting up again, but as Mithian was grinding on him, Arthur closed his eyes and pictured Gwaine again. Gwaine's arse, on him, and his cock, _hard_. Mithian and Gwaine were two completely different people. Mithian was small and fragile and Gwaine was tall, and almost the same built as Arthur. But Arthur imagined their bodies writhing together as he grabbed Mithian's shoulders and squeezed them, nuzzling into her neck.

"You're doing it again," she whispered, turning to face Arthur and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Doing what?" Arthur opened his eyes and caught her glare.

"Thinking about someone else."

"How do you— How can you even say something like that?"

" _Because_..." She smiled at him. She didn't seem angry, and Arthur was slightly relieved. "We've been fucking for a very long time and I know when you're with me, and when you're not."

"I'm just not here. I'm just—"

"At the bar?"

"What?"

Mithian gestured behind him but Arthur didn't turn. He didn't need to. She knew it, and he knew it. And he sort of loved and hated her at the same time. "I do wish I could marry you," he said.

She chuckled and got on her tip toes to kiss Arthur on the cheek. "I would give up my reign to be so loved. But I know that you don't love me that way, and you never will."

"Why do you waste your time with me then?" Arthur asked, not in a vindictive way, but he really wanted to know. Mithian was wonderful and didn't understand why she gave him the time of day.

"We had a good sex life," she said, sounding casual.

"And now?"

She laughed again and Arthur spun her around the dance floor. "And now you love another."

"I don't love—" Arthur stopped when she glared at him again. She was just so good at putting Arthur in his place. His father would have loved her. "Is it obvious?" he asked. Was there really a point in denying it? If Gwaine walked up to him at that moment and crashed their lips together, Arthur would have kissed him back immediately. It wouldn't have taken long until his hands would have been inside Gwaine's jeans, and who knew what would happen after that!

"I should probably just go home," he said, feeling defeated. Perhaps some sleep or just being really far away from happy couples in love was the answer.

Arthur waited by the club entrance after he'd phoned for a taxi. He was hoping that no one would catch on to the fact that he was making his escape, when Merlin tapped on his shoulder.

"Don't tell me you're leaving," Merlin grumbled.

"Just tired, mate. I'm sorr—"

"They're _not_ sleeping together, if you were wondering."

"Who?"

Merlin grumbled again and punched Arthur on the shoulder before walking away. "Whatever," he said, but didn't turn around.

Two minutes later, Arthur's taxi had arrived and he headed home. He wasn't sure what he'd expected from his evening, but he was glad that at least he wasn't as pissed as he'd feared. He wouldn't have a hang over the next day and if he was even feeling up for some more self-inflicted pain, he'd call up his sister for lunch.

"Arthur."

Arthur heard Gwaine's voice from behind him just as he was about to unlock the apartment door.

"What are you doing here?" Arthur asked, stupid question, really. Gwaine lived there too.

"I saw you leave and—"

"How'd you get here so fast?"

"Percy gave me a lift."

Arthur nearly scoffed. "Right," he said and opened the flat door; unsure if Gwaine was going to follow him in or leave to go back to Percy.

"Why did you leave like that?" Gwaine closed the flat door behind him. Arthur reckoned Gwaine was done for the night too.

"I— I wasn't having any fun," Arthur answered, and continued walking into his room. He stumbled just a bit. Even if he wasn't in a drunken haze, he still had had three shots of tequila, one after the other. He removed his shirt and threw it in the corner.

"You should have told me, I would have come back with you," Gwaine replied, following Arthur in his room. He'd never really entered Arthur's domain before, and Arthur felt like he'd just been caught unguarded.

"Er..."

Gwaine shortened the distance between them. "What's the matter?" he asked, looking more worried than cross.

"I'm just..." Arthur sighed. What was the point of lying now? Denying his feelings. He could admit them, and then let Gwaine just go about his day, right? There was nothing wrong with that. He could just tell Gwaine what was wrong. What _was_ wrong?

"Your relationship with Percy bothers me," he said. It was all he could muster up.

"My friendship with Percy?"

"The fact that you're fucking Percy."

"I'm not fucking—"

"Yeah, right."

"Do you think I like seeing _her_ grinding her arse all over you? That she gets to wrap her arms around you and pull you in for a kiss?"

"We ended it tonight." Arthur didn't need to tell Gwaine that. It wasn't really relevant information anyway. Besides, why would Gwaine be jealous? He was fucking—

"Are you telling me you have feelings for me?" Gwaine asked.

"I'm not a fucking girl."

Gwaine released an exasperated sigh and Arthur wasn't sure if he was going to punch him. "You think Percy and I are involved?"

"Yes."

"And that bothers you?"

Arthur stared at his feet and nodded. It was now too late to take it back, wasn't it?

"What if I told you that I don't fancy Percy?"

"You said he asked you—"

"To dinner, yes. Then we decided to stay friends."

"He comes over a lot."

"As friends, and we watch a film, and then he goes home. You know that. He doesn't _sleep_ here."

Arthur shrugged. He did know that Percy never spent the night, but that didn't mean they were shagging. He looked at Gwaine who didn't say anything else for a while.

"I can't be with anyone else, knowing that you're sleeping in the next room. Knowing what we had and—" Gwaine paused again and ran his hand through his hair.

"And?"

"And how much I still want you."

"It was a disaster," Arthur said, and when Gwaine stepped one foot closer, Arthur stepped back. "It won't work."

"Right, but getting jealous of watching me talk to a friend—pushing all your other friends away because of me—that's really working out well for you."

"You don't understand."

"Let me," Gwaine said, and this time pulled on Arthur's arm and made sure he couldn't step back any further. "Let me inside," he added, almost begging.

"I don't— I can't. I've never—"

"Let me," Gwaine whispered. He pulled Arthur in for a kiss, and Arthur let him. Gwaine ran his fingers through Arthur's hair, holding his locks tight, tugging on them as he pressed his lips against Arthur and sucked on his lower lip.

Arthur released a low moan and wrapped his arms around Gwaine's waist, wanting to pull him in more than he possibly could. He struggled to remove Gwaine's jacket and started to unbutton his shirt frantically.

"Wait," Gwaine said, and gently pushed Arthur towards his bed. " _Let me_."

As Arthur pressed his head against his pillow, Gwaine got on top of him. He grabbed Arthur's arms and locked them above his head, and leaned in to kiss him. Everything about Gwaine's movements was so demanding, yet so gentle, Arthur didn't know what to do with himself. He released Arthur's hand for a brief moment as he took off his shirt and threw it on the floor.

He grabbed Arthur's hips and gently rubbed their groins together before leaning in against, almost all on top of Arthur and kissing him. Arthur wrapped his legs around Gwaine's and pushed up at him. His sudden need to take control had kicked in and he tried to release his hands from Gwaine's grip.

"Not tonight," Gwaine said and pushed down at him.

Arthur was impressed at how Gwaine was able to keep his hands locked with the grip of his left hand and started to unbutton Arthur's trousers with his right. He kissed Arthur again, gently, and bit on his lower lip one last time. "You're mine tonight, Arthur. Don't try to fight me..."

Arthur nodded and Gwaine released his hands to concentrate on Arthur's trousers. With one swift pull and Arthur raising his arse in the air, Gwaine managed to free Arthur of his trousers and pants. His cock sprang to attention like a good soldier and Gwaine smirked.

It wasn't long before Gwaine enveloped his mouth around Arthur's cock and sucked. Arthur moaned lowly, grabbing Gwaine's hair in a fist. "Fuck," he whispered, his hand slamming against the pillow on his bed.

Gwaine's hands were still massaging Arthur's thighs as he continued suck Arthur. Arthur finally relaxed, resting back on the mattress, his hand still in Gwaine's hair, setting a rhythm. He was doing what Gwaine had asked him to do. He was letting Gwaine claim him.

Arthur didn't know, nor did he notice where Gwaine had grabbed lube from. But two lube slicked fingers circled around Arthur's entrance. He had half a mind to fight, to refuse, but he didn't want to. He wanted to give himself completely to Gwaine. He _wanted_ Gwaine's cock inside him.

He needed it.

"Need you, Gwaine," Arthur whispered. He was trying out the words on for size. Did he want Gwaine? He wasn't sure how the idea felt to him. All Arthur knew that he didn't want anyone else to have Gwaine. Not after the hell he'd been put through.

Gwaine released Arthur's cock from his mouth and looked at him. Two fingers inside Arthur, fucking him. He had his typical grin on and Arthur just wanted to smack it off.

"Do you like that, Arthur?" Gwaine asked, pushing in another finger.

Arthur arched up in pain and pleasure and mumbled a _Yes_.

"What did you say? Didn't quite hear you there, Arthur," Gwaine teased.

"Bloody wanker," Arthur said. "Yeah, I like it, Gwaine. I want more—I want you."

Gwaine balanced himself on his knees and reached back and Arthur saw him grab a condom. "Been planning this, have you?" Arthur asked, and Gwaine only smirked in reply. "God, you are a bloody wanker."

"A bloody wanker that's going to fuck you now, Arthur. Fill you in with my cock and make you come like no one else ever has."

Arthur groaned again. Fuck, how could Gwaine sound so hot saying that? Did Arthur sound like that when he'd say such things to other people?

"Do you want me to turn?" Arthur asked, unsure of what to do next. Suddenly, getting fucked in the arse for the first time made him too nervous.

"No," Gwaine answered. "I want you to watch me. I want to _watch_ you. You didn't put me through hell just so you cannot _look_ at me, when I'm _fucking_ you."

"Gwaine..." Arthur mumbled as Gwaine raised Arthur's hips and lined his cock against Arthur's entrance.

"Ready?" Gwaine asked, but didn't wait for a response. He pushed in, hard, and fast, and Arthur nearly well died from the sensation.

He whimpered at feeling something so thick being pushed inside him. Sure, Arthur had fooled around before, one or two fingers in but—never a cock. A real cock. Gwaine's cock.

Gwaine pulled out and pushed in again and Arthur moaned. With each thrust, the pain was becoming less and the feeling of Gwaine inside him, seeing Gwaine's face as he fucked him, was incredible. Almost too good to be true.

"You're so fucking beautiful, Arthur," Gwaine said, leaning in and nuzzling into Arthur's neck then biting his skin. "So _Goddamn_ gorgeous. God, I have wanted to fuck you like this—" Gwaine panted, trying to catch his breath. He looked up at Arthur and kissed him, before straightening up and pulling out and thrusting in again. Harder.

Arthur couldn't believe how much he was loving it. He was loving Gwaine's cock. He was loving Gwaine—

Gwaine moaned louder than ever before and thrust in one last time before spilling himself inside Arthur. As soon as he pulled out, he started to suck Arthur's cock again. A few moments later, Arthur was coming, and Gwaine didn't even flinch; sucking, licking, every part of Arthur.

Arthur grabbed the box of tissues from his bedside and handed it to Gwaine. Gwaine wrapped the used condom in it and threw it in the rubbish bin, collapsing next to, almost on top of Arthur. "Fuck, that was fucking hot."

"How long?" Arthur asked, turning to his side to face Gwaine.

"How long have you wanted to fuck me like this?" Arthur asked. He was curious. Gwaine had said it, on more than one occasion now—expressed his desire to fuck Arthur. He wanted to know how long he'd been thinking about it.

Gwaine laughed. "Since we were about fifteen," he answered and Arthur's eyes widened at the reply. He didn't expect _that_.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Arthur asked and immediately noticed that Gwaine hesitated for a minute. He pulled back then leaned into Arthur's embrace again. "What is it?" Arthur added.

"Give me a second," Gwaine said, standing up, starkers and ran out of Arthur's room.

"Gwaine what are you—"

"One minute!" Gwaine screamed from the other room.

When he returned, Gwaine had a small box, a shoe box in his hands and sat across from Arthur. Arthur sat up to face him and Gwaine handed him the box.

"What is this?"

"Open it."

Arthur opened the box and saw opened letters. Addressed to _him_. "I don't—"

"When I left," Gwaine started, running his hand through his hair. "I wrote to you. I wrote nearly every day. It was normal stuff in the beginning, how much I missed you. How weird the new town was, that kind of stuff. But you never wrote back so—"

"I didn't even know—"

Gwaine smiled softly. "Yeah, I figured that out later."

"What happened?" Arthur asked, opening the letter one by one, his hands were shaking and he struggled to hold back tears.

"Your father..." Gwaine chuckled again, and then ran his hand through his hair again. Gwaine did that when he was nervous. "I reckon, he kept all the letters and read them. He didn't give them to you— And the last letter—the last letter I wrote, he actually came to my house."

"What?" Arthur couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yeah, he came to my house and he handed the letters back to me. He told me that he never gave them to you and that even if I continued writing, he would never give them to you. You needed to focus on your school, and your career as a professional RFC. You didn't have time for a poof— I reckoned after my last letter, he needed to put his foot down."

"Gwaine, I had _no_ idea."

"I know, and I was scared of him so I kept my distance. This was my actual chance to see you. Finally. After all these years, and I didn't even know how you felt about me. I just wanted to know if I still felt the same way when we'd be together or if I was just some idiot holding onto a fantasy from when we were teenagers."

"What did your last letter say?" Arthur asked. The last letter had made Arthur's father go down to visit Gwaine to tell him to stop. To threaten him, Arthur was sure. He wanted to know.

Gwaine dug through the shoebox and pulled it out. He handed it to Arthur. "It still applies, I suppose. It's next week."

Arthur looked at Gwaine confused for a moment, then opened the letter.

" _Be my Valentine_."

Arthur's heart swelled up in his chest and he felt as though he was going to explode. He had been wrong all along. He had been immeasurably wrong. "God, Gwaine. Who knew you could be such a girl?" Arthur teased. It's what he did when emotions were becoming too strong for him.

"Says the man who just took my cock up his arse," Gwaine teased back, "and loved it."

Arthur gasped and threw one of the letters at Gwaine. "Bastard!"

Gwaine laughed and launched himself at Arthur, grabbing his arm, and pinning him down on the bed. When he had a strong lock on Arthur, Gwaine leaned in and kissed him again.

"I love you, Arthur. I always have. There's no use in me telling you otherwise."

Arthur nodded biting his lower lip. "Yeah. I think I love you too, even though you're such a fucking wanker."

Gwaine laughed. "Well, at least now I know that we won't be as cute and sappy as Merlin and Mordred in public. As long as you keep calling me a wanker."

Arthur groaned in disgust. "Those are not the kind of couple I want to become."

"But you want to be a couple?" Gwaine asked, sounding hopeful, as if he needed Arthur to say the words.

"Yeah. I want us to be a couple. I don't want you to move out. I want you to sleep in my bed, and there is no way in _hell_ you're going to be spending any alone time with Percy."

"And Mithian?"

"Well she already gave me her blessing." Arthur smiled and pushed Gwaine off him. He grabbed the shoe box next and carefully placed all the letters back in.

He was going to read all of them. Over and over again if he had to. And he was going to have a nice talk with his father. But first, he was going to fuck Gwaine in every part of his flat, or vice versa.

Arthur was going to play. He was going to fuck. With the _man_ he loved, in their home. Arthur was a real man, and so was Gwaine. Very manly gay men.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading**


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